Muffins
by McQueenfan95
Summary: A short clop fic about Derpy and muffins. Rated for sex with muffins.


**This was just meant to be a Derpy clop fic. My grammar and punctuation are terrible, but that's ok for a short one-shot, maybe two-shot clop fic. Warning, if you don't want to read about Derpy having sex with muffins, don't read this story. Seriously, if you don't want to read about that, or are too young too read about it, stop reading and click the back arrow now. Everypony else, enjoy. You perverted Derpy/muffin fans.**

Derpy bounded up her walk, whistling _Do you know the muffin man?_ She walked in the door, dropped her mailbag and made a bee-line for the kitchen.

Dinky was spending the night with her good friends, The Cutiemark Crusaders, so Derpy was all alone. Perfect time to whip up a batch of special muffins. What made them special was Derpy's special, secret ingredent.

She got out all of the ingredients and utensils she would need to make muffins. "Oh!", she said, running over to the refridgerator. She opened the cabinet above it, pushed the liquor bottles to either side, and reached all the way in the back to grab the bag of her special, secret ingredient. "I almost forgot the one thing that makes my special muffins so special", she said.

She mixed all of the ingredients together, stirred them well, poured the batter into her muffin pan, and put the pan into the oven. She giggled happily as she set the timer, then went into the living room, curled up on the couch, turned on the TV and watched _C.S.I. Canterlot_.

On TV...

A baker had been shot in the chest twelve times.

One pony said, "A real...", he put on his sunglasses, "baker's dozen!"

YEAAAAAAAAAAAH!

"Wait!", said one of the investigators, "A baker's dozen is thirteen!"

The pony took his sunglasses off, said, "Unlucky...", he put them back on, "For some."

YEAAAAAAAAAAAH!

"STOP! STOP! STOP!", yelled the investigator, "Somepony died here, and you're making jokes!", he turned around and yelled offscreen, "And _you're_ playing loud music, The Who!"

A voice called back, "Sorry man, we'll be quiet."

With Derpy...

Derpy shook her head and said, "Man, this show has really lost it's touch."

Just then, the timer dinged.

Derpy was elated. "Muffins!", she said gleefully, as she turned off the TV, ran into the kitchen, shut off the stove, pulled on her oven mitts, pulled the tray of hot, steamy muffins out of the oven and put them on the counter. "Now", she said, "once these cool off, I'll begin to enjoy my weekend."

Twenty minutes later...

The muffins had finally cooled off, so Derpy gleefully pulled them out of the pan and placed them onto a plate. She carried the plate into her bedroom and set it on the bedside table. She then plugged in her lava lamp, crawled into her bed, and started munching on one of the muffins.

(**For those of you who haven't figured it out yet, Derpy's secret ingredient is Cannabus, aka Marijuana, aka Pot, aka Weed, aka Grass, aka Hemp, aka Herb, aka Devil weed, aka... Ya know what, if you don't know what I'm talking about by now, you're not too bright**)

She munched on her muffin while the lava bubbled and swirled in the lamp. She stared into the lamp, mesmerized by it. Suddenly, she was in a place where her muffins weren't muffins, but they were the one thing she liked more than muffins. Dicks. Big, long, hard, cum-filled, stallion cocks.

"Wow, I know you all wanna fuck me", she giggled, "And I want you all. C'mon boys!" She rolled onto her back and began to gently suck on one of the muffins while she rubbed another across her chest. (**I know she doesn't have boobs, but what am I supposed to do?**)

At this point, Derpy was covered in crumbs. She took another muffin in her hoof, spead her back legs and began rubbing the muffin over her pussy, using it to soak up all her juices. She spat the muffin she was sucking on out and said, "Oh yeah, baby! Do it! I want it all! Give it to me!", and she shoved the muffin into her pussy.

Derpy cried out in pleasure. "Oh yes! Yes! Fuck me! Fuck my tight, little muffin!" (**I know that's not a great name for a vagina, but this is Derpy we're talking about**)

She grabbed another muffin and shoved it in ontop of the first, forcing both muffins in deeper. "Oh yes!", Derpy screamed, "MORE!"

She stuffed a third muffin up her cunt. "YEEEEEEEEESSS!", she screamed, "GIVE ME EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!".

She grabbed another muffin and attempted to shove it into her cunt, but she missed and hit her asshole. "OW!", Derpy screamed, "Careful! Watch where you're stabbing. That's my ass."

She pushed the muffin again. This time, her ass slowly streched and started to take the muffin inside. "Ow, ow ow OW!", she screamed, tears were running down her face. She said, "Gently, please. That hurts!" She had never tried shoving muffins up her butt before, but she was in to deep to stop, if ya catch my drift.

"Stop!", she begged, "You're too big! I'm too small for you! You're ripping me apart!" But for some reason, she ignored her own cries of pain. She shoved the muffin all the way inside of her ass, then she grabbed another.

"Oh yeah", she moaned as the pain was replaced with pleasure, "It's starting to feel good! Yes! Give it to me, boys! Fuck me! Fuck all my holes! Do it! Do it hard! YEEEEEEEES!" She began to feel an incredible warmth slowly moving through out her loins. She moaned, "Oh yes! Oh fuck, I'm gonna cum! I'M GONNA CUM! _I'M CUMMING!_" She came violently, squirting a mix of her juices and muffin crumbs out of her pussy and all over the bed. It was a good thirty seconds before she stopped squirting, but she continued to writh in pleasure for atleast another minute.

She suddenly went limp, then fell asleep. Still covered in crumbs and her own juices.

The next morning...

Big Macintosh was dropping Dinky off at home. They went into the house. Dinky went right to the backyard, while Big Macintosh searched through the house for Derpy.

"Derpy! Derpy!", he called, opening every door. He opened her bedroom door and found her. She was covered in muffin crumbs and she looked like she had a muffin sticking out of her cootchie. Big Macintosh was shocked, but at the same time, turned on.

Derpy slowly woke up. She yawned, stretched and was about to start shaking crumbs off herself when she noticed Big Macintosh standing there. "Hi Big Macintosh", She said, spreading her legs so he could get a good look at her muffin stuffed holes, "May I offer you a muffin?"

**To be continued...?**


End file.
